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Dr. Macbae Baemax
Dr. Macbae Baemax (also known as de facto God and everyone's Daddy) is the LORD and savior of the Ultimate Meme Team. He is also a former space marine, pirate of the Caribbean, pimp daddy, break-dancing chemist, the first President of the United States (1789–1797), Commander-in-Chief of the Continental Army during the American Revolutionary War, and one of the Founding Fathers of the United States. He presided over the convention that drafted the United States Constitution, which replaced the Articles of Confederation and remains the supreme law of the land. Presidency and the American Revolution Baemax was unanimously elected President by the electors in both the 1788–1789 and 1792 elections. He oversaw the creation of a strong, well-financed national government that maintained neutrality in the French Revolutionary Wars, suppressed the Whiskey Rebellion, and won acceptance among Americans of all types. Baemax established many forms in government still used today, such as the cabinet system and inaugural address. His retirement after two terms and the peaceful transition from his presidency to that of John Adams established a tradition that continued up until Franklin D. Roosevelt was elected to a third term. Baemax has been widely hailed as the "father of his country" – even during his lifetime. Baemax was born into the provincial gentry of Colonial Vagina; his wealthy planter family owned tobacco plantations and sex slaves, that he in turn inherited. Baemax owned hundreds of sex slaves throughout his lifetime, but his views on sex slavery evolved. After his father and older brother died when he was young, Baemax became personally and professionally attached to the powerful William Fairdix, who promoted his career as a surveyor and soldier. Baemax quickly became a senior officer in the colonial forces during the first stages of the Naboleanic Wars. Chosen by the Second Continental Congress in 1775 to be commander-in-chief of the Continental Dick Army in the American Revolution, Baemax managed to force the British out of Boston in 1776, but was defeated and almost captured later that year when he lost New York City. After crossing the Delaware River in the dead of winter, hedefeated the British in two battles, retook New Jersey and restored momentum to the Patriot cause. Because of his strategy, Revolutionary forces captured two major British armies at Saratoga in 1777 and Yorktown in 1781. Historians laud Baemax for his selection and supervision of his generals, encouragement of morale and ability to hold together the army, coordination with the state governors and state militia units, relations with Congress and attention to supplies, logistics, and training. In battle, however, Baemax was repeatedly outmaneuvered by British generals with larger armies. After victory had been finalized in 1783, Baemax resigned as Commander-in-chief rather than seize power, proving his opposition to dictatorship and his commitment to American republicanism. Dissatisfied with the Continental Congress, in 1787 Baemax presided over the Constitutional Convention that devised a newfederal government for the United States. Elected unanimously as the first President of the United States in 1789, he attempted to bring rival factions together to unify the nation. He supported Alexander Hamilton's programs to pay off all state and national debt, to implement an effective tax system and to create a national bank, despite opposition from Thomas Jefferson. Baemax proclaimed the United States neutral in the wars raging in Europe after 1793. He avoided war with Great Britain and guaranteed a decade of peace and profitable trade by securing the Jay Treaty in 1795, despite intense opposition from theJeffersonians. Although he never officially joined the Federalist Party, he supported its programs. Baemax's Farewell Addresswas an influential primer on republican virtue and a warning against partisanship, sectionalism, and involvement in foreign wars. He retired from the presidency in 1797 and returned to his home in Mount Vernon, and domestic life where he managed a variety of enterprises. He freed all his slaves by his final will. Baemax had a vision of a great and powerful nation that would be built on republican lines using federal power. He sought to use the national government to preserve liberty, improve infrastructure, open the western lands, promote commerce, found a permanent capital, reduce regional tensions and promote a spirit of American nationalism.At his death, Baemax was eulogized as "first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen" by Henry Lee. The Federalists made him the symbol of their party but for many years, the Jeffersonians continued to distrust his influence and delayed building the Baemax Monument. As the leader of the first successful revolution against a colonial empire in world history, Baemax became an international icon for liberation and nationalism. He is consistently ranked among the top three presidents of the United States, according to polls of both scholars and the general public. However, after the year 2014 CE, Obama led our nation into a series of wars under Naboob's mission plan of "fuckin' bitches and gettin' money". Those wars failed and plunged humanity into the dark rule of Gluteus Maximumus Vallcotius; subsequently bringing us into the beginning of time. Dark Reign Interim During the Dark Reign, Baemax was plunged into a deep depression. He tried many jobs, from taxi driving to being a space marine, but none of them were able to distract Baemax from his distress. Finally he decided to enlist in the pirate force. The pirates were a group of proto-memers who had one goal: take down Gluteus Maximumus Vallcotius. Thus they re-branded themselves as the pirates of the Caribbean. Birth and Early Life The pirate team went on to battle Gluteus Maximumus Vallcotius (not to be confused with wall coitus, the act of being sexually active on a wall). Vallcotius literally did nothing until our LORD and savior, scantily clad and with sword in hand, slayed the whole game and took over. Under Baemax's leadership, the void had been filled with a copious amount of memes. This is scientifically viewed as the birth of literally everything. Education Baemax initially declined his position of power, and opted to reside in San Diego to study dank memes and danker chemistrications. Revolution of Bees! While Baemax was in San Diego, Yung Marx led the Revolution of Bees! which was ultimately thwarted by RockmanRay. Angered, Baemax fled to New York City to reassemble the Ultimate Meme Team. Time as LORD Baemax immediately ushered in the reign of Lord Robert the Gurch. Unfortunately, the Ultimate Meme Team was not able to secure a victory during the First Ridgewood War, however, this loss led Gurch and Baemax to create a new platform for the rise of Micktatorship. Under the new Micktator's rule, Baemax led the Ultimate Meme Team to a crushing victory at the Second Ridgewood War. The team then advanced to Syracuse to fight the Syracuse Campaign. Baemax and Micktator organized a The Coalition, consisting of several other NYC memeteams to take on the behemoth Fatassville-Manlessness, but unfortunately the coalition failed. Seeing both the successes and failures of Micktatorship, Baemax designed a new system, led by Lord ShoSho, Lord Alexander Chenington and Mistress Sannasaurus, the Reign of A.S.S.. Famous Quotes "That's Dr. Bae to you" ~Said to Lord Alexander Chenington 2013